nolite timere
by Mia-Zeklos
Summary: "The moment his arrow had landed far too close to the strange boy's face and three sets of wings wrapped around him to keep him safe, Alec had known that his presence would bring trouble in its wake."


**Notes: To get the references out of the way first: _nolite timere_ means _do not be afraid_ and it's a typical phrase that an angel would introduce themselves with to humans. The angelic hierarchy I borrowed for the purpose of this fic is from Wikipedia, but it's all about the basics: I made most stuff up myself. As for the timeline: given that Jace and Alec would already be in a relationship, I doubt that Valentine's plan would follow exactly the same lines it did in the show regarding Jace and I do have a whole full-blown idea of what his plan would actually be, but since Alec is my POV character here and it only covers up to the first half of 2A, it wouldn't be easy to tell.**

 **This was written for the Jalec Secret Santa over on tumblr; happy holidays and I hope you guys enjoy it!**

It was an age-old story; older than Alec, older than his species, older than almost anything else on Earth. He'd gone too far. It was easy to see that now as he'd been the first to start falling, even if he wasn't the only one. It felt like there were hundreds of them flying past him as the gold of his wings caught fire, his ineffectual attempts to get the situation back under control only fanning the flames.

It wouldn't take them nine days to fall, though. Nine seconds at most, if he had to assume, and their destination was something much more final than Hell. _Water feels like concrete if you're falling from high up enough in the sky_ , he reminded himself. It was one of the first lessons he'd been forced to learn after getting his wings and it had always felt redundant until now. The thought almost made him laugh; a hysterical, abrupt sound that died in his throat almost as soon as he'd realised how desperate his mind was for distraction.

With his eyes still wide open, Alec stared at the rapidly approaching surface, his charred wings curling around him as he braced himself for impact.

 **~.~**

The moment his arrow had landed far too close to the strange boy's face and three sets of wings wrapped around him to keep him safe, Alec had known that his presence would bring trouble in its wake.

They hadn't had a Seraph in _years_. Alec had only heard stories about them but had never seen one for himself and this boy – _Jonathan_ , his father's parabatai's son – had been a sudden intrusion in his life; one he hadn't appreciated but had been painfully curious about.

He hadn't been wrong, though. There had been trouble and Jace was causing more of it right now, almost five years later, as he looked at the angelology encyclopaedia spread out in front of him.

"Seraphiel," he said at last, just like Alec had suspected he would. "I choose Seraphiel."

"This is—" _Too much_. Maryse didn't say it and she didn't need to – it was obvious by her expression anyway. But what could she say? Most Shadowhunters tended to pick an angel of their own rank when choosing a patron and it was an easy choice for the majority of them – it was almost always Raziel – and if Jace wanted to do that, he didn't have much of a choice, so of course he'd reached for one of the most powerful ones known to them. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," Jace said and the book in front of him fell shut with a decisive _thump_. "Is there a problem?"

No matter how much she disliked the idea, Alec knew that his mother wouldn't say anything – or, even if she did, she wouldn't outright forbid him from sticking for what he'd decided on. It would be rude to say the least, and even if he was a little biased, it was beyond obvious to Alec that one of the princes in the hierarchy would be a more than appropriate choice for Jace. He could see it in his wings and his ferocity in battle, and in the gleam in his eyes. _Beautiful as lightning._ It was how Seraphiel was always described in their textbooks, and it was a perfect fit; one that couldn't be ignored easily despite the many unspoken rules of their society.

"No, of course there isn't." His mother's smile was a little strained, in complete disagreement with her reassurances. "We're all free to choose, so I'll just write your patron down in our records for you. If you have any more questions, you can always ask."

Despite this last invitation, Jace didn't speak again until Maryse had closed the door behind her back. He turned to Alec then, eyes betraying a sort of insecurity that he had never seen from him before he leant in to ask, "Yours is Michael, right?"

"Yes." If it had been anyone else in front of him, Alec would have braced himself for the oncoming disapproval, but in the light of recent events, he expected nothing of the sort. It was a relief, really, that Jace had done what he'd done; it made Alec feel a little less alone in his own decision.

Most Shadowhunters's wings were of the angelic kind, just like Raziel's had been when he had given Jonathan Shadowhunter the Mortal Instruments – a pure, unblemished white. They were common, but powerful; Isabelle had learnt how to do quite a few tricks with them that no one in the ranks above her managed to achieve. Archangels like Alec, with their creamy wings and gold-tipped feathers, were rare enough to be seen as a good omen by the parents, and Seraphim – with three pairs of wings in a deep, rich red that could cover almost their entire body if needed despite their slightly smaller size – were nearly unheard of.

It was generally considered arrogant to pick an angel above Raziel's rank, but it wasn't something that parents tried to drill into their children since so many Nephilim manifested as Angels anyway. That was the only reason why no one had actively tried to _stop_ Alec from picking Michael when the time to do so had come, but he knew by now that he would never hear the end of it regardless of that. It had happened a little over a year ago – right after his fifteenth birthday – and at the time, it had seemed an obvious enough solution. He had chosen an Archangel because he'd considered his wings a sign of that particular species's favour and what better option than Michael? He was a protector, a leader among equals and Alec would have to be the same one day; it only made _sense_.

Much to his annoyance, no one ever noticed that. It was all whispers about how that had been Valentine Morgenstern's choice too and _we all know how that ended, don't we_ , and his father's scowl in his general direction only deepened that much further every time a newcomer to the Institute brought it up.

But Jace wouldn't mind, Alec was sure of it. There was no judgement in his eyes, just more of that same anxious anticipation that he didn't know how to react to.

"I guess it's not a wonder we're so good together, given our wings," Jace said, tone still tentative and face closing off even more when Alec looked up at him, taken aback.

"You shouldn't say things like that," he reproached, lowering his voice just in case even if he knew that the chance of them being overheard this deep into the library was miniscule. "It shouldn't matter what rank we have; we all work for the same cause."

"That's _not_ what I meant." Jace sounded frustrated now, probably with his inability to explain more than anything else. He reached forward, taking Alec's hands in his own and squeezing them gently as if trying to make sure he had his attention; as if Alec hadn't been focused on him since they'd found themselves alone. "It's just— we _are_ good together, Alec, and Seraphim and Archangels are compatible. It's happened before."

" _What_ 's happened before?"

Alec was tired of all the talking in circles, but not irritated enough to miss Jace's sharp intake of breath. He seemed to brace himself for a moment and then blurted out, "Would you like to be my parabatai?"

Without being sure why, Alec had expected anything but this. The question, simple as it was, explained far too many things about the way Jace had acted around him lately. He'd been quiet and efficient and had been doing his best to show that they worked better when they were together than when they were apart and Alec would be lying if he said that he hadn't imagined something like this before, but it had been nothing but a passing thought. It was clear that that this wasn't the case here; Jace had considered the idea at length.

"The Inquisitor won't like it," Alec said and then winced. It was the first thing that had come to mind, but it wasn't likely that it was the response Jace was looking for. "Parabatai bonds formed between different ranks are a bit—"

"I know," Jace cut him off. "But Seraphim and Archangels aren't that different. She won't like it, but she'll say yes if you do."

"I do," Alec said, surprised to realise that he was absolutely sure in his response. He had always wanted a parabatai, had marvelled at the legends about what they were capable of, and he and Jace would be a _perfect_ match. People noticed that even now; it could very well be better than anything he could imagine once they bound their souls to one another. "I _am_ saying yes." He disentangled his hands from Jace's grip so that he could link their fingers together. "We can make the request at the same time; people wouldn't mind so much then."

"Great!" The enthusiasm in Jace's smile was infectious. "We'll do it together."

"Together," Alec confirmed. It wouldn't be for the first time and it wouldn't be the last either, but now it felt less like a choice and much more like a promise.

* * *

"You can put me down, you know." Jace's voice was strained, every word requiring that little bit more effort than he could afford. "I'm pretty sure I can walk."

"No need to test that." They were in the Institute already, Alec reminded himself. He had flown all the way from the place where they had encountered the demon hoard they'd had to deal with, but the halls here were far too small for that. They would be at the hospital wing in less than a minute and the medics would take over, and Jace would be _fine_. They would draw out the venom and they would both soon forget that this had ever happened – except Alec wasn't sure that he would ever forget. He wasn't sure he wanted to, either – it would serve him as a reminder to be more careful in the future.

They had been parabatai for over a year already, but the wonder of it – of their souls intertwined in a single being that only their bodies kept apart – had yet to wear off. If anything, it had only grown more intense in the past few months as they had become closer than they had ever thought possible and it was strange; how anyone could see even the deepest, darkest corners of someone else's soul and love them all the more for it. Alec could feel the gradual change in the way he saw Jace from the time when they had just been friends and the feeling was echoed from Jace's own bewilderment at the situation; bewilderment mixed with something quiet and infinitely simple that neither of them was willing to name.

"Alec." Jace was heavy in his arms, head resting against Alec's shoulder and hands braced around his neck to make them both a little more balanced, but one of them wandered down now, cupping Alec's cheek with fingers splayed over his skin. "You have nothing to worry about. It's just a flesh wound."

It was a lie. Even if Alec didn't know his parabatai as well as he did, it wouldn't have mattered and he would have still been able to tell. He could feel the bond reaching out from the very core of his soul and desperately trying to do what little it could to fix this; to fix _him_. It wouldn't be enough, but it was still all he had before they found help and Alec hadn't even known that he was capable of it.

Maybe the Inquisitor had been right, after all. Bonds formed between different ranks were always a little _different_ , a little out of what was acceptable. Not that anyone had a clear vision of what that was – before they'd said their vows, Alec had heard from at least ten different people that no two pairs were the same.

"Don't speak." He wished he had taken his own advice just then. His voice broke just at the sight of Jace's clearly pained expression and he held him even closer to himself, trying to keep his equilibrium as he kicked the door of the infirmary open and carefully lowered his parabatai on the nearest bed. "I'll go get help."

It was a long, frustrating process before someone could tell them for sure that there would be no long lasting damage and after that, once they were finally alone, Alec had just enough energy left to lie next to Jace when he scooted over to the side to make space for him. He was still far too tense and that didn't go unnoticed for long; before he could stop him, Jace carefully turned around until they were facing one another.

"Parabatai." There it was again; the same touch that held something entirely too tender, but Alec didn't pull away. He didn't have it in him to do it when Jace looked like he was only staying awake so that he could say what he wanted to. "We all get hurt sometimes. This— I would never leave you just like that."

Perhaps this was to be expected too? The fear coiled deep in Alec's chest, urging him to wrap his arms around Jace and never let him go again was all consuming and threatened to spill over with every movement coming from Jace's end that upset his wounds in any way.

"You can't promise me that." Alec wasn't sure why this had struck such a nerve – they _had_ been through plenty of injuries before, even if it hadn't been anything quite this serious – but he didn't have it in himself to try and tone it down. What would be the point? Jace would see right through his effort anyway.

"No, and neither can you. Don't you think I fear the exact same thing every time a demon gets too close to you? We can't know for sure what's going to happen tomorrow or the day after that or at any other point in our lives, but we can be sure of _this_." He motioned between them with his free hand. "Us, here and now. That's all we have. Don't let it slip away."

"Never," Alec vowed, leaning in even more, letting his oath hang in the air between them.

"Good." Jace's thumb was pressed against his lower lip now, as if he wanted to keep the promise safe into the palm of his hand. " _Good_ , because we're in this together and we're in it for life, no matter how long either of us has left."

"I'll have to remind you of that the next time you're shouting at someone to fetch you a stele," Alec said in an effort to lighten the mood, but to no avail – Jace just laughed and closed his eyes.

"Good night, Alec."

"Good night," Alec echoed and followed his example, willing himself to go to sleep already. It had been a long day and they both needed the rest and even if they happened to wake up in the position they were in right now, no one would mind. They were parabatai, after all; regardless of the circumstances, they were inseparable.

* * *

Something changed after that; something that Alec couldn't put his finger on but something he couldn't fully ignore either, especially since Jace definitely wasn't making such an effort. Instead, he seemed to have made the conscious decision to spend more time with Alec than ever even in activities that he generally preferred to avoid, like the lessons Alec's father gave him about his potential future position as Head of the Institute. Alec wasn't complaining – it was _nice_ , even if they were stranded in an office in complete silence for hours on end as they memorised the Codex and the most important dates of their world's history, to just be together.

It was exactly the _being together_ that felt much different now, in a way that Alec couldn't describe. Whatever had happened between their souls the night of the demon attack had bled through to everything else inside them too and when they had talked about it, they had both blamed it on the near-death experience and the way the bond had tried to compensate for Jace's suddenly critical situation. It didn't feel right to blame it all on the bond, though; not when Alec could feel something a lot more human, a lot more _his and Jace's_ that had created this new— environment.

It could be perplexing, too – sometimes he turned to the side to glance at Jace and found him already looking at him, lost in thought. Not that Alec himself was much different, of course; not ever since the accident they'd had, although if he was honest with himself, he would have already admitted that it had started long before that. It had been a gradual process, one that he could neither deny nor embrace, but it had started feeling so _inevitable_ after he had almost lost his parabatai that night. His own thoughts often strayed to Jace and what was on _his_ mind as they both took notes of their current reading material.

"Alec, look." Ironically enough, it was Jace who brought him back to the present now by elbowing him and pushing his textbook in the space between them. He was studying the history of the parabatai bond today and he'd been full of new information he wanted to share since he'd started. "It's a song about us."

Alec's eyes quickly scanned the page. It was all medieval history, it seemed, about the time just after _eros_ between parabatai had started being seen as a crime. It was a _love_ _song_ , he realised with a start; one full of longing and grief and an undercurrent of anger.

As much as he didn't want to admit it, Alec found every word of it to be familiar. It was both a relief and a source of frustration to know that they weren't the only ones who'd ever felt that way and that despite that fact, no one had found a solution yet.

"It's a troubadour song," Alec said once he noticed the style. "It's not about us. This is _old_. From the time when our people weren't used to the prohibition yet."

"A hundred years after that, actually," Jace corrected him. "They knew no other way than what they already had and that still didn't stop them."

"No, but getting deruned probably did." At Jace's raised eyebrow, Alec tapped one of the names in the text in front of him. " _Willem_. I've read about a Willem Coldbloom, parabatai of Alys Dawnheart. She was the Inquisitor's wife. That's how I know about them."

"And the Inquisitor deruned them?" Jace's voice had gained an incredulous edge to it. "Alys was his _wife_."

It was strange, come to think of it, that he was so personally offended by the story somehow, and Alec couldn't quite force himself to get to the bottom of it. Hadn't he known? All stories like this one ended in tragedy.

"She was also a criminal and a liar, but the songs never mention that." Alec turned back to his own notebook. "They knew what the risk was when they took it."

"I just think it's unfair," Jace said, fingers still thumbing the edge of the next page like he couldn't really get himself to let go. "To be given the choice to bind your soul to someone and then to be told that they still can't be completely yours."

"The warning about that usually comes _before_ the ceremony." Alec was starting to feel vaguely suspicious and decided that it would be better to be upfront about it. "Jace, is this going anywhere?"

"I was just thinking." Jace finally abandoned the pretence of studying and turned his attention entirely to Alec. "About us. And about what we said to each other that night at the infirmary, that we've only got the here and now. And I felt— you can't tell me you don't understand, because I felt it coming from you too— I felt like there might be something more to this. To _us_. I know you felt it too; the way your strength was the only thing keeping me awake. And yes, all those stories talk about death, but they also talk about happiness, Alec. We're going to die anyway and no one can tell when it's going to happen, so why not make the most of what we have _now_?"

" _This_ is the most we can have." Jace had been right; Alec didn't need an explanation. Maybe there was a reason for that, too; maybe their feelings had made them so attuned to each other that they could understand what the other meant without words – it was all just _there_ , in that single, painfully sensitive spot where their souls connected. "It's what we chose for each other, remember? Even if you think it was a mistake—"

"Never." Jace leant over the table, propping himself up on his hands so that he could lean in closer. "Never that. I don't regret anything we did; I can't even imagine my life without our bond now. And if it was just me, then I would have been able to... I don't know, _repress_ it somehow, but not when I know that you feel the same way. I love you," he said, clearly feeling the need to cement the words. "In the way I'm supposed to and in the one we've been trying to run from. I can barely tell them apart anymore and maybe I shouldn't _have_ to. What if it was always meant to happen like this?"

"Like this?" Alec nodded back to the book that had started this conversation and the fleeting irritation clouding over Jace's features was an answer enough. "Is this really what you want? To be sent into exile five years after our runing ceremonies?"

"This won't happen to us," Jace protested. "Of course all the stories here end like this; that's what the Clave wants us to see. These are the parabatai pairs that they _caught_. Who knows how many others are out there just living their lives?"

"There's no way for us to know because they're spending their lives in hiding." It was another thing that Alec had only started thinking about recently and the idea was one he dreaded almost as much as trying to pretend that everything was still the same it had always been. "And that's what we'd have to do to. We'd have to keep secrets from our family and what if it doesn't work? This wasn't outlawed on a whim. It would taint our bond—"

"That could happen anyway, right? If you didn't think that it was worth the risk, you shouldn't have agreed to become my parabatai." There was a stubborn glint in Jace's eyes, one that Alec knew all too well and one he knew he had to resist, but it was that much more difficult when he was _right_.

"That's all I agreed on," he said anyway. Their bond was his last defence and he clung to it desperately. _This_ was why he hadn't said anything in the first place, this ability that Jace had to focus on only what he thought was right, to hell with the consequences. "That's all you were _asking_ for."

"I know." Jace was avoiding his gaze now, eyes wandering over the desk in search for something to focus on. "I know. And I don't know about you, but I didn't expect this to _happen_."

"No," Alec said with a rueful smile and something in his tone made his parabatai look up, his face brightening up considerably. "I didn't see it coming either."

"It'll be worth fighting for." The words were so quiet now that Alec had to strain to hear them and it was only now that he remembered that they were supposed to be studying here – it was very likely that someone would have overheard their discussion if they'd been just a little more heated about it. "You know it would be. It could be _everything_. And if you still don't believe me—" Jace bit his lip and then grinned, jumping up from his chair and extending an arm towards Alec. "Come with me. I want to show you something."

That was how they found themselves on the rooftop of the Institute less than five minutes later – still hand in hand and a little out of breath. Whatever would happen now (whatever they had agreed on) had made them both apprehensive and giddy all at the same time and Alec felt strangely restless, like he did in the last few minutes before leaving for a mission – like his immediate future was full of possibilities that he hadn't even had the chance to think about.

"Come here," Jace urged again as he carefully climbed on the edge of the rooftop. "And summon your wings."

Alec did just so once he was sure that there was no chance of either of them losing their footing before their wings had had the chance to unfold. It was inadvisable to open them so abruptly, especially if the Shadowhunter in question was in danger of falling – they were usually heavy enough to throw most people off balance – but he managed it and a moment later, Jace's wings spread out behind his back too.

Alec never got tired of seeing them, especially like this, with the morning sun shining down on them with full force, coaxing every hue of red out of his feathers. They were much smaller than the average Nephilim's, but the fact that there were _six_ of them usually made up for that and Jace had never complained anyway – they seemed to serve him perfectly well in battle.

They were _clearly_ on the same page about this as well, Alec thought as his parabatai reached over his shoulder to touch the edge of his primaries where the gold of his feathers was as bright as it could be. Alec stepped closer mostly on an impulse, wrapping his wings about both of them to keep them steady and relishing in the ecstatic smile he got in response. Being able to do this was one of the perks of his own wings's size – they were big enough to carry both of them if it ever came to that, and it already had on one memorable occasion – and he never got tired of displaying it when it never failed to make Jace laugh like he did now.

"What did you want to show me?" He asked, only mildly curious. He could stay like this forever and never get bored, he suspected, but he still followed Jace's movements with interest as his parabatai slipped from under his hold and positioned himself on the very edge of the building.

"Follow me," he said and then, before Alec could ask anything, took off, shooting up in the sky like a bullet. It was yet another thing that Alec suspected was rank-specific – Angels were usually more suited for soaring, Archangels like him could use their wings as a weapon on occasion – the gold was good for blinding demons, especially when there was a light source nearby – and Seraphim's wings seemed to be fit for getting as high up in the air as possible. Or it could be just Jace. Who could tell? He was the first Seraph this Institute had had in ages; he was the only one Alec could really go by.

Still, he followed him now and reached him soon enough. He wasn't sure what the goal had been, only that they were further up than they had ever been before – the Institute seemed blurred and distant from here and a part of Alec felt inordinately relieved by that.

"That we were meant for this," Jace said. He had never looked more like an angel than he did right now, with the sun putting gold in his hair and a shimmer in his eyes that shone brighter than ever before. If Alec hadn't already been mostly convinced of what he was saying, he suspected that everything about him right now would have been more than enough. "Even now, we're already stronger than almost any other parabatai I've read about and if we let those feelings out, nothing would be able to stop us."

"That's not always a good thing," Alec pointed out. "But if it's the two of us—"

"We'll find a way to make sure." Jace's wings fluttered behind him as he pressed himself to closer to Alec. "I can already feel it. But if this is not— if it isn't what you want, then that's fine too. If I'm wrong about this and you don't feel that way, just say so and I swear I'll never bring it up again."

"You're not wrong." Telling the truth seemed like the only logical option at this point and it didn't matter what it could bring with itself eventually – lying to one's parabatai was most often the worst possible decision anyway. And if he took his honesty one step further, Alec would have to admit that he didn't _want_ to. This was selfish, as selfish as either of them had ever been, and he was just letting it happen because it already felt completely natural. "I want to try this too. I want to see where it'll take us."

Jace's beaming smile was the last thing Alec saw before his parabatai pulled him in for a kiss; that, and a glimpse of brilliant red feathers against the blue backdrop of the sky.

* * *

"—So it's just that. He injected my mother with angel blood when she was pregnant and that's how I— happened." Jace was chewing on his lower lip as he spoke and Alec had to stifle the impulse to tell him to stop – the last thing he needed was to inflict even more pain on himself, inconsequential as it was. He didn't seem to realise that he was doing it, though, and Alec couldn't exactly _blame_ him when he had so much going through his mind. "That's why my rank is what it is. Both of my parents were Archangels. That also explains Clary and why she's classified as one of the Ophanim, although she doesn't know it yet."

"Do you want me to tell her?" Alec was running on autopilot at this point, mostly. Everything he'd heard in the past half an hour sounded like far too much to take in and on top of the past few months, that was no easy feat.

Jace had found and lost his father again in the matter of a few hours – Michael Wayland had turned out to have been dead for much longer than any of them had expected and when Valentine had emerged from that disguise and had dragged Jace away on his ship, everyone had assumed that it had always been him. The story had checked out at first – upon waking up, Jocelyn had mentioned her son Jonathan – but soon, far too many things had started seeming out of place until the news had reached even Jace on board of the _Morning Star_. It had been somewhere around that point that Valentine had realised that they could still communicate through their bond, had promptly made the connection to their relationship and had cut off any possibility for contact almost immediately.

"No, not yet. She still doesn't know anything about our world; no need to scare her even more."

"I'm sure she can take it." Clary had shown far more courage than Alec had initially given her credit for and even if a lot of what she did ended in disaster, it was clear that she was rather good at adapting. "But if you want to do it yourself, that's fine by me." After a moment of hesitation, Alec prompted, "So, about your parents..."

"The Inquisitor's son is my father. He's not lying," Jace added before Alec had had the chance to speak. "Valentine knows what he's doing; he has a way to prove it. He wants to use me to get the Inquisitor's attention and get her to do what he wants. I tried to tell him that it won't work, but he won't listen."

"It could work." Alec hadn't seen a whole lot of Imogen Herondale in his life, but a lot of what she did – including her position – had been driven by the loss of her family; that much almost everyone knew. He was just about to point that out when Jace shook his head.

"You shouldn't have come." He was trying to change the topic and he wasn't all that subtle about it but it was easy to play along when he looked so lost.

The moment he made to reach for Jace's face, Alec already knew that it had been a bad move. His parabatai flinched away almost violently, arms curling around his body and fingers clawing into his sides, still frozen even as the wild glint in his eyes faded away. One of his wings hung askew from the others and twitched with every little movement he made. When he was presented with such a sight, there was only one response Alec could think of.

"How could I not?"

"It was a trap. There's no one here apart from us," Jace waved his concerns off with a quick, weary gesture. "I wouldn't have told you all of that if there was. What I meant was that he's not letting me go and he's not letting you come on board either. He just wanted to see what would happen if we met now."

"Why?"

Jace shrugged. Alec hadn't really expected a response – there was never much to be said about Valentine's reasoning behind any of his actions. "Officially, he says that it's because he wants to see the effect it's going to have on the bond after the block he put on it. He even said he's removed it already; the results should kick in any minute now. Unofficially, it's because he wants me to beg to be freed and if I do that – if I'm desperate enough – he thinks he'll be given the chance to bargain with the Clave once they finally track us down. You have to keep quiet about this," he added, but it sounded like pleading rather than a command. "I'll find a way out, but I'll do it on my own. The more the Clave gets involved, the bigger the chances of us being discovered."

"I don't _care_ about that," Alec said, astonished despite the persistent awareness that he wasn't being entirely honest.

The truth was, the last fortnight had been hell. The uncertainty had been driving him mad and it had only eased when he'd received Valentine's message, absurd as that was. And it wasn't even as absurd as it could have been – in the recent months, Alec had found himself doing and thinking countless of things he would have thought himself incapable of.

They had both started seeing the bond as a given at some point, and had started thinking of it as if it had always been there. It was their initial excuse for starting their relationship that had led them down this road, he supposed, the bone-deep conviction that this was meant to be. Somewhere along the way they'd forgotten that they had been apart before their ceremony and that they could very easily be separated again.

But saying any of that would be yet another blow for Jace and in his current state that was the last thing Alec wanted, so, "All I care about is getting you away from him."

"We could run." To call Jace's tone humourless would be putting it lightly. He did seem a little steadier now, though, and Alec could feel the first tendrils of their bond fighting its way back to the surface. He felt like crying for a moment or two, the sheer _familiarity_ of Jace's soul next to his own more of a reward than anything else he had ever experienced. "We could do it right now. The thing is, then we would be left with _nothing_ and I'm not sure I can go back to the Institute and convince them that I'm not a traitor without having some actually valuable information to prove my loyalty. Even if the Inquisitor is on my side, I'll need a little more than that for people to stop seeing me as a traitor."

"I can't just leave you here." Alec had tried to keep his outburst to himself, but the words poured out before he could stop them. "Maybe it is better if we run now. There must be a way—"

"Have a little faith, _parabatai_." Jace's hold around himself loosened just slightly and he took a step forward, hands resting on Alec's shoulders until he took the hint and leant in to kiss him. "I can manage on my own."

Jace silenced his protest with another kiss, this time insistent enough for Alec to feel the undercurrent of desperation in it. For a moment, nothing mattered; the war and the Clave and Valentine all fading in the background as the parabatai bond stitched itself together after the nearly unbearable separation. Alec pulled away only long enough to get his stele and run it over Jace's _iratze_ and felt the effect immediately – Jace's grip around him strengthened and he shivered in his arms, pressing his forehead against Alec's shoulder as the rune's power coursed through him.

"I'm going to regret this in about an hour," Jace said and it was almost _worse_ that his amusement seemed genuine now. "But it's not like Valentine could have expected anything else anyway. We'll meet again soon, I know it." His hand reached for Alec's parabatai rune and pressed in, as if it could magic his words into reality. It wasn't a completely farfetched idea, of course – not when they were both secretly sure that their bond had managed to _heal_ them on several occasions – but it still wasn't something Alec wanted to put his faith in entirely. "He can't keep me there forever; not if he actually wants me to be a decent bait. And hey," he added, fingers digging into their mark once again, "you can always check on me if you want to, now that that's sorted out. Valentine told me that it was a reward; he could even let us stay that way if I behave."

It was as much of a goodbye as Alec was going to get. He didn't push for more – it was painful enough to be apart even without giving each other promises they couldn't hope to fulfil – and gathered Jace into another embrace instead. Jace _melted_ under the touch, the pair of wings closest to him wrapping around Alec until it almost felt like nothing had changed since the last time they had been in the same position, completely in sync as they were supposed to be.

And then, just like that, it was over. Jace pulled away, wings spreading as he prepared to take off. "Soon," he repeated. "I don't know _how_ soon yet, but this _will_ end, Alec."

Alec watched him as he stepped off the quay and hovered for an instant above the waves before he managed to assess his surroundings. He watched him as he headed west where he could likely see the _Morning Star_ already. He watched him disappear; not gradually, but at the blink of an eye, vanishing as quickly as any closeness they had managed to establish just minutes ago.

 _A reward._ It had been anything but, of course; just a slice of what Jace was explicitly not allowed to have. The powerlessness at the thought was almost as strong as Alec's anger, but it was the latter that won over in the end as he headed briskly for the Institute.

 _To hell with Jace's plans_. He was going to do something about this _now_ and there was nothing – not even the newly appointed Head of the Institute's orders – would be enough to change his mind this time.

 **~.~**

No matter how hard he tried, Alec couldn't make sense of the images in his head. In his memories, everything was red – the sky, the fire, the _Morning Star_ as it sank into East River, a flash of red wings as someone had flown right under him moments before Alec had hit the water. That last part felt like a dream, but then again, everything did – he'd done everything the night before under the spell of the same insane determination that had made him answer Valentine's prompt to come meet his parabatai, but he'd managed to do what had needed to be done. He'd gathered volunteers, he'd somehow snuck said volunteers out of the Institute, he'd organised an attack on both sides that would ensure that they would break through the ship's glamour. He'd only made one mistake, but by the Angel, had it been a monumental one.

"In your defence, he always kept saying that this is what you would do." Alec didn't need to use all his senses to know the expression attached to the voice – one of fond exasperation and exhaustion and love, so much love that it shone out of every word. "That you'd come from the sky like some angel of vengeance and try to take me away." There was a hand resting over Alec's now and it took his entire willpower to open his eyes, but he did it anyway, just in time to see Jace move from his chair to the edge of the bed. "I guess he just didn't expect you to _actually_ do it. It was so far beyond anything he would have done that it didn't occur to him, but he still activated the shield just in case."

 _The shield_. That was what Alec had hit on his way down when he'd tried to descend along with the people he'd picked for his own team. Izzy hadn't been with him, thankfully, or she would have been in the next bed over in what appeared to be the Institute's infirmary. Some things clearly never changed.

Only they weren't alone this time – there were at least ten other Shadowhunters in a state as bad as his own and Alec dreaded to think what his wings looked like just now. He asked anyway, before he could lose his nerve – and it wasn't like they could talk about anything more personal here anyway, even if most of the people around them happened to be unconscious.

"You'll make a full recovery," Jace said as he made a place for himself on the bed and pulled the curtains around it closed. It was only now that Alec noticed that his wings were carefully spread out below him and winced at the sight of the majority of his primaries. "Everything's going to be all right."

"How many people died?" It wasn't the right response, but it was almost an instinct to want to know after years of being taught to feel responsible for his people. Jace's darkened expression was enough of a response.

"I'll give you the statistics tomorrow, but there's something else you need to know for now." Jace turned around just enough so that he could look him in the eye. "Valentine is after the Mortal Sword and he wants me to be there when he finds it. I don't know why," he added, already sensing the next question. "But that you can be sure of."

"Did you tell the Inquisitor?" Alec's mind was reeling with about fifty different ideas about where this could go, but he decided to keep quiet for now, especially since they were still in a relatively public place.

"Yes. She has no idea what it could be either, but she's going to look into it. We— talked for a while." For a moment, Jace seemed almost _flustered_. "You were right. She did believe me. I'm not sure where I stand with her yet, but I have enough time figure it out. For now, I told her that I needed to be here when you woke up."

"You did more than enough for being there when I was falling from the sky. Of course I would know it was you," he continued at the look Jace gave him. "Who else could it be? Your wings—"

"Don't you have your own wings to think about?" The words were playful, but the worry in his eyes lingered and soon enough, it crept into his voice as well. "The moment I saw you falling... I don't think I'm ever going to forget that, Alec. No matter how many battles and wars and demons we fight, it's still going to—"

"I know," Alec cut him off, raising a hand to run his fingers through his parabatai's hair. "I know. It's going to be all right. Full recovery, right?" That was enough to entice a smile out of Jace. "For both of us. We'll work on it together."

"Together," Jace vowed and for the first time in what felt like forever, Alec could feel the space between their souls melt away like wax in the sun once again.


End file.
